Gethsemane (poem)

There in that place His humanness

claimed its right to be known.
There in that place the darkness
pressed in as He stood alone.
There in that place the silence
decried, denounced,and disowned His belief.
There in that place the tears
brought little to no real relief.

Here in this place my humanness
exposes the truth - I’m not what I thought.
Here in this place the darkness
hides the reality of the fight being fought.
Here in this place the silence
speaks clearly, loudly, and all too much.
Here in this place the tears
fall as I reach for the solace of Your touch.

There He was reminded of the strength He had;
So there He proclaimed “not Mine, but Thine.”
Here I’m reminded You’ve been where I am;
So here with You I say “not mine, but Thine.”

(inspired by a sermon by my pastor 10/2008 - picture from http://impressionsofjesus.com)

borrowing words...

Exodus 33:15 Then Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. 16 How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?" 17 And the LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name."

Have you ever had a moment in your life where you realize you are not as strong, as smart, as charming, or as “(you fill in the blank)” as you thought you were? They tend to leave us - leave me - feeling vulnerable, helpless, and even small. Then we get so overwhelmed that instead of moving forward we freeze and are paralyzed in the midst of our insecurity. It doesn’t matter what “moving forward” means, because when you have this kind of experience it affects every step ahead of you – relationships, job, education, etc.

In these moments of smallness we are in touch with and touched by our need, our lack, and our frailty. I think in some ways this is why this passage seems to resonate within my soul. Moses speaks what I often feel. Do you hear the desperation I hear in his plea? "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.” The way I say it sounds more like, “God, I ain’t moving, I got nothing! Where You at!?!”

However, as I have let this dialogue between God and Moses stew in my mind I have come to a harsh realization. Even though I may say something similar, the fact is there is a glaring difference between Moses’ prayer and mine. All too often, the reason that I come to the place of this prayer is that I am concerned more with how I feel about myself or how others perceive me than anything else. I want God on my side because I don’t want to feel like an idiot or because I don’t want to fail miserably. As I think through the reality of how petty and self-consumed I can be I search for ways to justify myself.

So, I shift the mantle of responsibility – actually culpability would be the proper word. I will do whatever it takes in my mind to say that someone or something else should shoulder the blame for my seasons of spiritual malaise. “I don’t have the energy to read the Bible because I have two kids under two and I need sleep.” “I haven’t been the most consistent in my prayer life, because I am juggling two jobs at 60 hours a week.” It seems like the more I think about it the more I just want find my “happy place” (there’s my Happy Gilmore reference for the day).

Since shifting the blame doesn’t really work I speculate and surmise that Moses was most likely just as much of an insecure schmuck as I am. I understand there were times his faith seemed trivial, but the fact is this particular passage doesn’t lend itself to that. This moment wasn’t one I could manipulate. You see even though Moses and I pray similar prayers, the difference is clear. Unlike him I forget the next step. Verse 18 is telling of the condition of his heart. “Then Moses said, ‘Now show me your glory.’” The man’s yearning comes into focus in this moment. He wants to see God as He is; not as he conceives, wants, or wishes God would be. I have prayed that prayer in verse 18 before, but I confess I don’t pray it enough or like I once did. As I dwell in this passage, again I realize I do not pray this expectantly anymore. My hearts deepest longing strays so far from, “show me Your glory!” The concern of Moses is not for his own good but for glory of Yahweh to be known.

All this leads me to the reality of this moment. The smallness of my soul stands very large before my eyes. However, I sense in me a heart that is tired of being captive to this callousness to which I have grown accustomed. Now I understand that I need to echo this prayer once more. So, I borrow the words of a man God spoke to as a friend and I pray, “Lord, show me your glory!”

Remembering Exodus 33...

Exodus 33
12 Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' 13 If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people."14 The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

15 Then Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. 16 How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?" 17 And the LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name."

Have you ever had a passage of Scripture get stuck in your mind for what seems like months on end? Did it ever get to the point where no matter how hard you tried to read/study other things you were forced to admit that all you could think about was "that passage"? Well that's where I am and the above passage is what has been haunting the hollows of my mind. The funny thing is that this isn’t the first time this passage has done this to me.

If it’s ok with you, I want take the next couple of days and see what God does with this passage and this man a “second time around.” So, just know that this Scripture will be the basic plot of my next blog. Feel free to comment on what this passage does in you as you see it, I would enjoy the dialogue. However, right now it’s late and I need sleep, thus I must bid you good night… good night!