the possibilities of provision

So, I’ve been reading through the Gospel of John lately, and as funny as it sounds it has been good for me to get reacquainted with the Jesus that John knew. Anyway, for the last couple of days one phrase in a very familiar passage has forced me toward much over-thinking. Shocking, I know.

The story is the account of Jesus feeding the five thousand in John 6. You know the story. The masses are following Jesus around, and He looks at Philip and says, “so, where we gonna get food for everybody!?!” Philip then plays the part of the realist letting Jesus know that eight months of wages couldn’t pay for this crowd’s meal. After that Andrew steps forward with a boy. The boy’s got five barley loaves and two fish. Then Jesus prayed, everyone ate, and abracadabra... leftovers. As awe-inspiring as the whole account is, it’s been one little verse that has captured me. Stuck in between Jesus’ query and Philip’s helpful insight (note the sarcasm) there stands verse 6. “He asked this only to test him, for He already had in mind what He was going to do.”

This little verse stirs wonder with in me. Jesus obviously had the whole storyline for that moment in mind, yet he thought it appropriate to “test” Philip. Jesus knew what He was going to do to work things out, but He still desired to engage Philip in the process. Part of me wonders what would have happened if Philip would have responded differently.

What would have happened if Philip didn’t respond with the skepticism and disbelief that the text portrays? Maybe Philip would have found the boy with the goods. Or Jesus could have had Philip touch a rock and make bread appear. Or Jesus could have had Philip physically regurgitate enough whole loaves of bread to feed the masses just for dramatic effect. The possibilities are endless.

Honestly, it doesn’t matter what the provision for the 5,000 was. What matters is that Jesus had a provision in mind. The reality of provision wasn’t contingent on Philip’s response, it was there already – Jesus knew the end of the story. The only thing contingent on Philip's response was Philip's experience of the story unfolding.

As I meditate more on this account I am struck by one thing. If Jesus is asking, the answer is in His hands. If He is asking me to go somewhere or do something, He’s already HAS the way in mind. It may not necessarily look like I picture or even want, but that’s for Jesus to work out, not me. So many times I forget this, and I respond as Philip. Instead of seeing Jesus as the Holder of all possibilities and responding with whatever I have, I doubt or delay in choosing obedience because I respond to what I don’t have or don’t see.

Oddly, it’s reminiscent of Isaiah 6. Do you remember that story? Isaiah saw the Lord seated on a throne. The angels were calling out, “holy, holy, holy.” The place was shaking and filling with smoke. Then Isaiah cried in verse 5, “Woe to me!... I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.”

Then the craziest thing happens, one of the angels does a fly by with a burning coal taken from the altar and touches Isaiah’s lips. If it's ok I would like to say something about this. I am not sure what things you have allowed to shape the constructs of your theology, but "suffering" has become one of mine. The moment with the coal is humbling and hopeful all once. As painful as that moment was, that act does what it was intended to do. Isaiah’s guilt is gone and his sin atoned for, so he is now able to respond rightly to God’s call issued later.

It's not too unlike my life, our lives. I, even as Christ-follower, have a tendency to do whatever it takes to avoid God's provision if it includes discomfort, suffering, or brokeness. And as I do what I can to protect myself from the pain, the fact is I am often saying "no" to the way God deemed necessary to bring about my wholeness. I'm just playing a hunch, but if Isaiah had a choice he probably would have preferred a different route other than having his lips burned with hot coals. The fact is it most likely hurt beyond comprehension. And it most likely left scars that would serve as an ever present reminder of how suffering (of all sorts) can give birth to a new intimacy with Christ and a new empowerment to press on as we follow Him.

To use this idea as a jumping off point, here’s the beautifully haunting similarity to John 6. Before Isaiah had even voiced his unworthiness God made a provision for him. The smoke filled the temple in verse 4, and then Isaiah publicly recognized his filthiness in verse 5. The coal used to cleanse this prophet had burned so long that its byproduct – the smoke – surrounded him as he spoke. God knew what was needed even before Isaiah understood how desperate his condition was. In that moment Isaiah knew no possible way to rightfully stand, all the while God had already provided the needed atonement.

Isn’t this amazing? With all the things God asks me to do or even reveals about my condition, I can find comfort in the reality that He is providing a way – His perfect means – for me to move forward with Him. It’s liberating. When God puts something before (or “tests”) me the onus is not on me to produce something I don’t have or even find the path myself. The onus is on Him. It’s on Him! When He asks or tests, He’s got the answer; He just wants me to engage with the possibilities of His provision.