woke up wanting...

Ever have mornings where you realize you are needy? You think about the day ahead with all that has to be done - work, caring for your kids, shopping for groceries, etc. - and you just exhale slowly as you try to clear your head. Then you realize how comfortable your bed is and all you want to do is curl up for another two hours. Well, that was me this morning. In that moment I didn't know what else to do but simply pray, "Jesus, help."

A moment later, I was forced out of bed by the wimpering pleas of my 1-year-old son. I say "forced" because he's one of those kids who gives you about 5 or 6 whimpers before he is all out "scrying" (for those that don't know that would be "screaming" + "crying"). Once the scries begin then big sister wakes up and the morning duties ensue before I have a chance to rub the crust out of my eyes. So, I got him up, went downstairs, got him some milk, changed his diaper, and laid him back down in his crib. He then went back to bed peacefully.

Now that I was up, I began my morning routine. After cleaning up and getting dressed for work I headed to the kitchen. As I began the ritual of getting the coffee brewed one thought kept running through my head, "Jesus, help." I emptied the filter, washed out the pot, filled the coffee maker with water, and then something abnormal happened. The Sacred crept in and overwhelmed the rote. As I scooped the grounds into the maker, words from an old worship song came forth from my mouth. And as I began to dwell on the words, my little prayer of "Jesus, help" had a melody.

It's a song called "I just want to be where You are" written a while back by Don Moen. Check out the lyrics below...

Verse 1
I just want to be where You are, dwelling daily in Your presence
I don't want to worship from afar, draw me near to where You are

Verse 2
I just want to be where You are in Your dwelling place forever
Take me to the place where You are, I just want to be with You

Chorus
I want to be where You are, dwelling in Your presence,
Feasting at Your table, surrounded by Your glory.
In Your presence, that's where I always want to be
I just want to be, I just want to be with You

There in the quiet of my kitchen I KNEW His presence - Immanuel, God with us - was enough to walk me through this day. I know this song may not express a perfect theology, but I can see past that because this song does express the frailty of a longing heart - my wanting heart. So, I am making it my prayer today before I feel any need to scry along with my son. (If you are where I have been this morning, I invite you to do the same.)

I am not sure why I felt so needy this morning. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation induced from living with a kid who is a lousy teether. Maybe it's because I realize I am not as capable as I thought I was to bear the burdens of my day. Or maybe it was simply to remind me that His mercies are new - today. All I know is that my morning coffee wouldn't have been as good if I hadn't woke up wanting...