Unfaithfully Faithful (poem)

(from February 2000)

Here it comes creeping around the corners of me,
the thing that reflects the me I can’t stand.
So many times I have begged it to leave,
again it happens, and we walk hand in hand.
It whispers sweet, quiet seductions in my ear,
while I scream mad lyrics to beat it to the floor.
Still the whispers find me in the midst of tears;
longing, yearning, needing to know You more.

Here It comes creeping from the depths of me,
the Thing I so desperately desire to understand.
Many times I pleaded It would show me more to see,
again it happens, and we together find the plan.
With gentle humble words It beckons me near,
while I blame myself for being a dirty whore.
Still It’s words pursue me washing away all fear,
changing this heart’s perspective to the very core.

So there it creeps in me a glaring dichotomy,
things that ruin and build fighting for command.
Times come when they both sound their pleas,
again it happens, I tire of conflicting demands.
Your word will be what I will wait for right here,
for the freedom attained when the ancient veil tore.
Still I will be unfaithfully faithful till You appear,
but that state will fade as I experience You more.